


Misinformed

by Erahelia



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I Made Uhura Crazy, M/M, Mild Smut, cause why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 10:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7753450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erahelia/pseuds/Erahelia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock has done Jim wrong, very wrong, but unfortunately our favorite Captain is hiding. Will Spock finally see what he has done, or will he simply not care either way? K/S Slash. I've added an alternate ending too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Beloveds, So this is the first story I've ever posted here. I took a little Creative licence with how bonds work in this universe, so please excuse that. I also have done an alternate ending to this story, because some have come out and said hey didn't appreciate how the original ended. Woot. Here goes

It had been One Month, Three days, Five hours, Twenty-Six minutes had passed since Spock, his T'hy'la, broke the bond that connected them.  
All over a silly incident that could have been avoided if someone, particularly Lieutenant Uhura, had not given her version of what happened before he could even open his mouth.  
Shore leave had come along, and most of the Crew of the Starship Enterprise had gone to Nainan I to enjoy the weather that was so much like earth.

Captain James Kirk, or as his friends called him, Jim along with his best friend Leonard McCoy who Jim affectionately called Bones, decided a night on the town would be the best way to end shore leave. They went to a bar. A dozen drinks later, Jim made his way out, stopping to say goodbye to those he met, before leaving. This action was not his best idea as of late. Making his way out, he was grabbed by someone standing at the bar and roughly kissed. A split second later, said guy was knocked on the floor by the same person he just assaulted.

"Piece of shit" Jim cursed before grabbing Bones, who was also pissed, and leaving. He was not aware, however, that someone else witnessed this and made up their minds that this was a grand opportunity to put a proverbial wrench in the works of a relationship that was slightly rocky, but making process.

"Where the hell are we? Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a road map." Bones growled angrily. Jim laughed, staring at the pissed off expression on his friend's face. "We'll find it Bones. Come on. Enjoy the experience."

Nainan I's spaceport was like a maze. Jim and Bones had been turned around so many times it was almost comical watching the two walk around. Being lost is a sobering experience, so Jim, after being lost for over 2 hours, finally asked someone for directions to the nearest transporter location.

The moment he landed on the transporter pad of the Enterprise, he was roughly grabbed and hauled off by one Commander Spock, First Officer of the Enterprise, and his Bondmate and T'hy'la.

"Hey, wait a sec-"was about all Jim could get out before he was roughly thrown into the quarters he shared with Spock. Confused, Jim reached out with his mind to Spock's, but got nothing. Spock had closed him off. After releasing Jim, Spock retreated to the other side of the room, his front facing the window.

"I request you tell me where you have been for the last 2.45 hours." Spock's usual monotone echoed across the room.

"I was lost in the spaceport. Me and Bones couldn't find the transporter pads. Spock...What's-"Jim begun before being cut off.

"I was informed that you had sexual relations with a native inhabitant of the planet. I wished to see if you would lie about it, as you have", interrupted a very, cold voice.

"What the hell are you talking about? I was in a bar with Bones" Jim said angrily. This was not normal, even for Spock. During the length of their relationship, Jim swore off others entirely. Never had he been questioned about his loyalty and his fidelity to his bondmate. Striding across the room, Jim grabbed Spock's should and spun him around to face him. He did not expect the look in his lover's eyes. The usual cold eyes were ablaze with anger and rage. All directed straight at him.

"Who the hell told you that? Yeah, in the bar some guy grabbed me, but I knocked him on his ass. You know me better than that. I would never-"

"Who told me is irreverent. I should have known that being with you, there was an 89.2% chance you would not be able to remain in a monogamous relationship. However, it is a mistake I do not have to live with." Anger made Spock loose the usual control of his emotions, making his words impassioned and full of different emotions, hurt, anger, rage and most of all sadness.

"Spock. Talk to me. Don't shut me out. Please Spock? Please?" Jim's voice filled with desperation, as he reached to touch Spock's face. Without warning, Spock's hand lashed out, grabbing his arm in a painful grip. Spock's other and lashed out, pushing Jim to the wall. Jim began jerking about, attempting to throw the other off him.

"What the hell are you doing? Let me go! I mean it Spock." Jim growled full enraged at the current happenings.

"It is illogical to fight me. I am stronger than you. I am simply giving you what you desire. You cannot remain loyal to me. You obviously cannot maintain a relationship with one individual. I will free you of the bond." Spock stated with the same monotone voice.

Jim began struggling in earnest. He needed to get away. He needed to make Spock calm down. He needed to find out why Spock believed the things he was saying.

But he was too weak to break the hold the Vulcan had on him. Anger faded, terror and fear entered.

Shifting his hold, Spock's not free hand lifted to Jim's meld points. Jim began begging and pleading. "No...Please... Stop" over and over with no affect. Jim's now free hand began pulling at Spock's arm, trying to dislodge his hand from the others face, but with no affect.

Ruthlessly, Spock slammed into Jim's mind. He ventured so far into his mind; farther than he ever dared go, until he reached the area where his Bond with Jim was stationed. All the while Jim was screaming in pain. It hurt so badly, the forced intrusion. I was almost like rape. His screaming never stopped. Interjected with pleas to Spock to stop, to listen, to not do with was heartbreaking for someone to hear.

Spock would not listen.

With an angry pull, Spock severed his connection with his T'hy'la. Jim's mind echoed with a screamed No. Pain, so much pain, pulsed through Jim's entire body.

The deed done, Spock removed his him and dropped Jim roughly on the floor. Without turning to even check if Jim was still breathing, Spock turned, and walked out the room and never looked back.

Jim lay on the floor. His body screamed like he had been beaten over and over, like every bone in his body was broken. He could not think. He could only feel. He could only lie there, as his entire being was washed with pain. Jim's body convulsed over and over. He had no control of it. He ended up in the fetal position. He simply held his head, screaming silently as his body throbbed.

It was no telling how long Jim remained on the floor. Pain slowly subsided. Jim opened his eyes, slowly moving himself to take a mental check on his working body parts. Every slide against the carpet he currently laid on was like whips flaying his flesh.

Slowly getting to his feet, Jim stumbled to the bathroom. He needed to see. He needed to check. He needed to make sure he could survive this. Bracing himself on the counter, he looked into the mirror and almost screamed at what looked back at him.

James Kirk was born with blue eyes, eyes he had inherited from his father.

The blue eyes he had grown up with were no more. Glassy gray eyes now were housed in a pain ravaged face.

________________________________________

Jim avoided Spock as much as possible after the incident. He went as far as changing his schedule so he worked Alpha shift while Spock was switched to Gama. If Jim wasn't on the bridge, he was in his room, working himself t near exhaustion. He tried to forget. But the eyes in the mirror wouldn't let him.

The entire crew saw something was wrong. They saw Spock and Nyota together constantly. Many crew members thought Spock and Jim were together, so seeing Spock and Nyota sneak around together, going so far as spending the night in each other's quarters, they knew something was seriously wrong. They saw their happy, optimistic Captain, turn into a creature none of them recognized.

Jim never talked. He never interacted. He simply sat in his chair, watching the stars pass. Bones even tried talking to him. Jim would not speak unless necessary. He visited Bones only because he was his friend and would worry if he was alive if he didn't. He only ate to sustain himself. He slept because he knew he must.

When his shift was done, He nodded to his crew, and then retired before Spock could come. He feared what would happen if Spock saw his eyes.

They were gray. Neither eye had changed to the usual blue. There were glassy, hard. The emotions swirling there showed pain, suffering, and abandonment all fused into one.  
Jim was fully aware of what was happening between Spock and Nyota. Nyota bragged on it all the time, even going as far to say that Jim was a fool and a heartless betrayer to sleep around on such a good lover. She talked loudly about how good he was in bed, how caring he was, how he met her every need. It hurt to hear. It hurt to see his very own crew, who he a bonded with, look at him with distain. Those, however, those who were aware of Vulcan customs, called her a liar to her face. 'The Captain would never do that. His eyes prove it. ' they said.

When asked about what happened, Jim would say only once sentence.

"He didn't want me anymore."

And that would be it.

He thought about death so many times. One overdose on a Hypo and that would be it. He wouldn't have to deal with the hurt anymore. But he knew he had to live, for his crew.  
That didn't stop him from thinking about it however.

________________________________________

 

Jim lay in his quarters, quietly sobbing not for the first time, when Spock's voice sounded in the room. "Bridge to Captain Kirk". Jim sat up, wiping his eyes, and clearing his throat, before answering with his usual 'Kirk Here, Go Ahead' statement.

"Captain, A ship is hailing us and is requesting to speak to you."

Jim paused for a moment. The bridge was the last place he needed to be. Nyota and Spock were there. But his duties had priority.

"Thank You Mr. Spock. I'll be there in a second" Jim's voice sounded horse even to his ears. He hoped Spock wouldn't notice.

"It is illogical to assume you will make it to the bridge in a second, as it takes 8.34 minutes from the Captains quarters to the bridge. I will give the correct time frame." Spock's voice sounded sarcastic and slight irritated. Jim figured it was because he had to endure the necessity of speaking to him.

Jim's hands fisted for a moment, hurt piercing his heart, before making himself presentable and leaving his quarters for the bridge. Picking up the glasses he used for reading, he sat them on his nose, and prayed that those would hide his eyes from the world.

Upon arrival, he prided himself for not looking at either Spock or Nyota. They didn't need to see him in the state he was in. It was the first time he had seen them since the incident.

"On Screen Please" Jim stated in a voice that did not sound like his.

A image of the older Spock appeared. A small smile appeared on Jim's face. At least this version of Spock did not hate him. At least this version liked him a little.

"I am delighted to see you again, old friend." Spock Prime started, his old but intelligent eyes lighting just slightly on the face of the younger version of his Captain.

"You too. It's been a long time, hasn't it? But I think this isn't just a friendly call in the galaxy." Jim smiled, showing a piece of his old self. The Bridge staff smiled, and some sighed just slightly, thankful to see the old Jim, at least for a while.

"You are correct, Captain. I would like to speak to you in private if I may. I request permission to come aboard for a time. I understand you are in route to New Vulcan. I would like to accompany you there." Spock Prime stated with a slight twinkle in his eye.

"You are very welcome, sir. I'm pretty sure with the other Vulcan's on the ship; you'll have much to occupy yourself with. We'll beam you aboard in just a moment" Jim said, before cutting the transmission.

Before leaving the bridge, Jim asked Scotty to ready the transporter for one. Reaching the turbolift, he was shocked to see both Spock and Nyota follow him inside. Suddenly the turbolift seemed huge. It felt like a canyon between the two parties. Taking a deep breath, Jim simply waited to arrive at his destination.

Nyota saw Jim's discomfort at being so close to the two of them, and slowly but surely slipped closer to Spock, going as far as to lean against him. If Spock noticed or cared, he did not say. Jim's hand twitched for just a moment. It was his only outward showing of emotion. Inside he was screaming. He screamed at Nyota for taking his T'hy'la. He screamed at his own weakness. He screamed at Spock for not wanting him.

He screamed, but no one heard.

Finally arriving at the transporter room, Jim stood, simply waiting for his friend to beam aboard. Spock and Nyota stood to the side, Nyota holding Spock's hand shooting Jim superior looks. Jim never looked in their direction. He simply leaned against the wall and waited. Soon enough the tell-tell lights appeared showing someone being beamed. Smiling just slightly, Jim strengthened his posture, but still occupied his space at the wall.

Spock Prime looked around, his face the usual face of a Vulcan, showing nothing. When his eyes landed on Jim a twinkle appeared. He was happy to see Jim alive and well. Stepping off the transporter pad, he walked to Jim and did the Vulcan salute. Jim smiled, but his eyes remained trained on his feet.

And Spock Prime noticed this.

"Captain, you do realize it is considered rude in certain circles if your eyes do not meet the one you are interacting with." Spock Prime's voice was mild, but Jim detected a hint of worry in his voice.

"Yes Sir, however, something is wrong with my eyes and I can't really look at you. I'm sorry" That statement made Spock frown just a bit.

"Jim. Look at me" Spock Prime's voice became stern. Jim recognized that tone anywhere. It was the 'do-what-I-said-and-don't-for-one second-think-I-won't-make-you' voice.  
"Sorry. I don't think I will." Jim stood firm. He couldn't let Spock Prime see. He couldn't let anyone see. It was his shame to bear.

"Captain, it is illogical to refuse Prime's request as you have no reason not to. Perhaps you should be relieved of duty as you are acting stranger than your usual parameters." Spock's, Jim's Spock, stated, with a bit of irritation in his voice.

Spock Prime noted the irritation in his younger self's voice. This is not as it should be. He saw Uhura cuddled as close as she could get with Spock, and saw her shooting her Captain these small little gleeful glances. Something was not right.

Without warning, Spock Prime's hand shot out, grabbing Jim's chin. Spock Prime could hear his other self protesting immediately but paid no attention. Very gently, he moved Jim's head and removed his glasses. He was not prepared for what he saw. His eyes widened just slightly, before he stepped away his hands falling to his sides.

"I grieve with thee" Spock Prime uttered with a soft voice.

Grey eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to see". Talking was difficult but he managed the few words. "It's my sin to bear. Don't be sorry. I deserved it." A small smile graced trembling lips.

A small silence filled the transporter room. Finally, Spock Prime clasped his hands behind his back, and said in a soft voice, "I apologize for forcing you to show what you are not ready to be seen. Come Jim, we will find Dr. McCoy and see if anything can be done for you." Jim nodded slowly and allowed Spock Prime to pass him, before following him to the door.

Jim did not expect Spock to grab his arm. His entire body flinched but his face remained looking forward, to where Spock Prime stood.

"Captain, if there is something amiss with your current physical health, I must insist you go to the sickbay to visit Dr. McCoy. As your First Officer, I must insist you be relieved of duty until he can ascertain your current...-"Jim turned and looked at Spock.

Grey eyes regarded chocolate brown ones.

Jim's arm slipped from Spock's grasp as his fingers went numb.

Jim uttered just two words before turning and walking out of the room.

"I'm Sorry"

Spock could only wonder, 'What have I done?'  
________________________________________

Spock sat in his quarters, his hands covering his head.

He couldn't have been wrong. He couldn't have misjudged Jim.

In Vulcan society, a bond between mates was a sacred thing. Very seldom did you see broken bonds outside death. The only other case was if a bond was broken under direct terms. In other words, if someone could prove your mate was breaking the sacred bond between the two, it could be broken.

However, if someone broke a bond for personal gain or broke the bond for a false reason, a permanent affect would happen. Gray eyes. The color represented a mate that had been severely done wrong by their other. If any Vulcan saw those eyes, the grief for the one would be great. They would immediately bow their heads in honor for the one who chose to live instead of ending their life like the few that could not take the pain.

Jim's eyes were proof enough. He had been severely wronged by his other. He would carry the shame of the deed until Spock renewed their bond. Otherwise, no power in the universe could right that wrong. He would bear it until the day he died. He would also suffer the pain the broken bond caused. Those, before they died, expressed a pain so intense, it burned their insides

Spock thought back. He thought of Jim's confusion, anger, all the things he felt while in his mind.

He needed to see Jim. Now.

________________________________________

 

Jim followed Spock Prime through the ship. Every instinct told him to cover up his eyes. He wanted no one seeing his shame. He was confused; however, at Prime's request to keep them uncovered. But he got his answer as soon as he found himself in the part of the Enterprise that most of his Vulcan passengers were being housed.

Each and every one of the Vulcan's he passed bowed their heads to him, and uttered a soft but audible 'I grieve with thee'. They offered comfort, if he ever wanted to talk, or if he just needed someone to meditate with, each one said they would come at his convenience. He did not understand. Why did they care? He was not enough for his mate. He failed. He was inadequate.

Jim's mind became full of questions. Why the Vulcan were's so sad? Why did they sympathize with him? Why did they care?

Finally the two reached Prime's appointed quarters. Jim flopped quite hard on the couch in the room and gave voice to his questions once Prime had situated on the adjacent chair.  
"Why do you grieve? Why all the sympathy? Why do they care? I screwed up. Why should they care" Jim's voice, normally strong, was all wrong. It was the voice of a timid creature, one beaten so badly it finally broke under the strain.

"Jim, Vulcan bonds are eternal. They connect two people, not just mentally, but spiritually. You, being Spock's T'hy'la amplifies this. You feel all his emotions, even those he chooses to hide. When one breaks a bond under false circumstances, the recurring result is the gray eyes you now process. It shows that he wronged you. He broke a bond under unsubstantial terms." Prime stated, his hands now laced in front of him.

"As to the sympathy, as you put it, it is quite simple. If a bond is broken, and is not repaired, the bondmate dies. They succumb to the pain. We are Vulcan's. We do not leave our mates. If this occurs, the behind mate is likely to terminate their lives instead of living without them. The pain, as I know you are experiencing, is too great for them to handle. They choose death, instead of life. The others of our race, when they see one such as yourself dealing with this unfortunately event, they wish to help you hang on to life, instead of terminating as so many do."

"Wait. You're telling me that Spock broke our bond 'cause someone lied to him and that the other Vulcan's wish me to live, so they offer themselves in a way to distract me." Jim stared hard at Prime, frowning slightly.

"Correct. My hypothesis is that someone close to him fabricated a story he would believe and would terminate your bond. Because he feels more than most Vulcan's, it is safe to assume his anger clouded his logic and he acted illogically." Prime answered.

"If he wronged me, why hasn't he even tried fixing it." Jim struggled to understand, but he simply couldn't wrap his mind around this. Spock was to blame, not him. Spock did this, not him. He didn't want to believe. It was still his fault.

"I also believe you have been avoiding him. Doing so, he failed to see the discolored irises you now posses. Had he seen them, he would have immediately known he had wronged you and tried to correct the slight. I also…-"

"Did you know he's been sleeping the Uhura? He made no secret of it. Just admit it. It was my fault. I could have been more. I could have been better. He's better off with her. She'll give him what I can't. She'll give him kids, a family. I can't give him any of that. It's better this way. I'll bear the shame with these eyes. Every day I look in the mirror, I see I failed." Jim's words cut Prime off.

"Jim, I wish you did not have to have to bear this burden." Prime moved to the couch, placing his hand on the younger's back. He wished to comfort Jim, but did not know how. He had never dealt with this with his Captain.

Jim broke down sobbing, crying for himself, Spock, Prime, everything. "It hurts. It hurts so bad. I can feel it; every time they are together I can feel it. I feel it all. And it hurts. It hurts so bad, and I can't do a fucking thing about it." Jim cried, leaning into Prime. Prime could say nothing, and simply held Jim until he fell asleep.

________________________________________

Spock walked along the halls of the Enterprise. He slowly scanned over his memories. He analyzed his memory of Uhura coming to him saying Jim had cheated and left the bar with another man, that she'd seen the kiss the two shared and watched them leave. Something was not right.

Entering the main rec room for the guests of the ship, he noted all the Vulcan passengers immediately stopped what they were doing. Obviously they had seen the eyes. Not one said a word as he passed. The silence was uncomfortable. Finally he made his way to his older self's room. Knocking, and hearing a soft 'enter', the door opened and he walked inside.

And there he found Jim, cuddled up as far as he could get to Prime's chest. Prime slowly stroked the blonde's head while he slept.

"I believe it is safe to assume that you are here to speak to James." Prime's voice was soft, as he didn't want to disturb the exhausted man cuddled up to him.

"You are correct. I seem to have made a huge error and have come to rectify it, if he allows." Spock's voice said softly. He stared at the blonde. He saw the dark circles. He saw to loss in weight. Jim looked like a shadow of his former self.

"I will leave you then. I would remind in the future, you listen to your voice only, not the sayings of others in your dealings with our T'hy'la" Prime then slowly made his way off the couch as quietly as he could, then exited the cabin.

Spock slowly walked across the room. He could see the changes in his T'hy'la more clearly. He knew he hurt him. His dalliances with Uhura were simply to work Kirk out of his system, but he could see it did more harm than what his original intent were. Jim looked grunt. He could see the hip bones sticking out under his clothing; he could see the tired lines, making a youthful 25 year old look like an old man.

Sitting softly beside James, Spock slowly rewound his thoughts to the night Uhura came to him. Replaying it over and over, he began seeing what he missed. The night she came to him, she was almost giddy with the knowledge of Jim's supposed indiscretion. Uhura was the one that offered 'comfort' from his betraying mate. The crafty look, the gleeful attitude, the sneering over Jim's presence going far as to goad him almost every time she saw him, it all fit together.

Spock, for his logical arguments, had been notoriously had.

And for the life of him, he could not figure out how to make it right.

In that moment, Spock did something he had never done before.

Tears began running down his face.

Leaning down, Spock whispered, his voice filled with pain and tears running down his face, a soft but audible, "I am sorry. I am so sorry T'hy'la. I allowed someone else to blind me. And in this, I hurt you in a way I never dreamed I could. I do not deserve your forgiveness. I do not deserve anything from you. I caused you undesirable pain. And I do not know how to fix it." Spock lowered his head, crying quietly for all he had done.

"You already have Spock. You already have."

Spock's head jerked up, his brown eyes staring into gray ones. He didn't quite believe what he had just heard. Tears began flowing in earnest.

Folding Jim in his arms, he began to sob, broken "I am so sorry Jim" interlacing his actions. Jim's arms wrapped tightly around his bondmate, holding him as he himself were held. Tears flowed freely as too men began healing deep wounds. Broken whispers of "it's ok Spock" and "I forgive you" intertwined with soft but clearly heard "Forgive me T'hy'la, please forgive me" and "I am so sorry".

Jim reached up desperately and planted his lips firmly against Spock's. Soon the two were desperately trying to reaffirm a love that they both thought they lost. Clothes disappeared and hands began marking flesh, sliding against skin, and dancing the age old dance of love and lust.

Olive tone skin slid against a blushing pink. Spock kissed and touched all he could. He desperately cleansed himself against Jim's cool body. Green hands slid over Jim's body, retracing paths he memorized. Spock felt fingers dig into his back as he brought his mate pleasure over and over.

Mouths and tongues danced together. Jim kissed as though he was starving for affection, and in a way he was. He drank every whimper and moan his mate made. He filed them away in his mind, in case this was not forever.

Arms and legs intertwined. The two held tightly to one another. They fused their limbs, hoping to become a part of one another. Pink fingers bit into a green back. Olive hands sunk into pink flesh.

One interned the other, and together become one being. Spock was gentle, as he always was. He moved, bringing Jim more and more of himself with every thrust. Jim could only hold on as he was brought to the edge of ecstasy only to be denied. A once gentle rhythm became harder and harder. Cries of 'faster' and 'harder' and 'Spock' laced the air. Grabbing Jim's hips, he yanked himself backwards and sat himself on his shins, with Jim seated in his lap. The change of angle caused Jim to cry out, his back bowing with incredible pleasure.

"Take from me Jim. Take all of Me.", said Spock in a harsh voice. Jim began moving. His hips moved faster and harder, taking Spock's length to almost impossible depths. Jim wrapped his arms around Spock's shoulders and dug his nails into his back. He was so close, too close. He wanted this to last, to burn this in his memory.

Feeling the end, for both of them, Spock slid his hand to his bonded's face. Jim looked glorious. His pupils were blown wide with pleasure. Tears decorated flushed cheeks. Spock hesitated for a moment, before finding Jim's psy points and plunging headfirst into Jim's mind.

Thoughts ran though at an almost alarming rate.

Iloveyoumissyoupleasedon'tleavemeiloveyou…

Forgiveyoudon'tcryitsokloveyoucan'tstaymadpleasespockplesedon'tleaveme….

Spock threw his own thoughts into the mix.

Won'teverleavecan'tleaveloveyoutoomuchcan'tstayaway…

Can'tlivewithoutyouWon'teverleavecan'…..

And there it was, the end, the edge. The precious madness that with only Jim would he ever allow to appear.

T'HY'LA

Two minds in perfect sync screamed this word. And in that moment of a complete bearing of souls, a broken bond, with a glorious light, mended.  
________________________________________

 

Jim moaned softly, before cuddling into his rather warm pillow. For the first time in what seemed a long time, he felt loved. He felt complete. He was not in pain. He felt so good.  
And besides…

The soft heartbeat under his arm felt nice, and slowly began lulling him back to sleep.

Bump-bump…bump-bump…bump-bump…bump-bump…  
Wait…

HEARTBEAT?

Jim's eyes popped open and disbelieving eyes took in a sleeping Spock wrapped as far as he could get around him.

'You should be sleeping, T'hy'la.' Spock's voice jarred him even more.

'Spock?'

'Who else were you expecting, love?'

'But, but, you…and Uhura….what-?'

Eyes opened and Jim was caught in chocolate eyes.

"I wronged you. I have commited a g-." A finger stopped what would have turned into a lengthy tirade.

"I forgive you Spock." Was all Jim said before cuddling down beside him and tucking his head into a comfortable niche on Spock's shoulder.

'I cherish thee, T'hy'la. I will strive to prove it to you every day for the rest of our lives'

'I love you too, Spock. Just please…don't hurt me like this again. I don't think I could live though it.

'I would rather die before hurting you this way again.' Spock's voice was warm, echoing around his mind. 'And besides, I rather like you with blue eyes. It makes you even more beautiful.'

Shocked, Jim's eyes flew open and before him was a small mirror that Spock obtained from only god knows where.

Blue eyes stared back at him. Jim looked beyond the mirror at his mate, his love, and saw that love shining back at him.

And suddenly…

All was right within his world.


	2. Misinformed Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Ending Time!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the alternate ending. When i posted this in FF.net, I got A LOT of comments that were pissed at how forgiving Kirk was....Well here we are. I wanted to write something a little sad... Just a litte

It had been One Month, Three days, Five hours, Twenty-Six minutes had passed since Spock, his T'hy'la, broke the bond that connected them.

All over a silly incident that could have been avoided if someone, particularly Lieutenant Uhura, had not given her version of what happened before he could even open his mouth.

Shore leave had come along, and most of the Crew of the Starship Enterprise had gone to Nainan I to enjoy the weather that was so much like earth.

Captain James Kirk, or as his friends called him, Jim along with his best friend Leonard McCoy who Jim affectionately called Bones, decided a night on the town would be the best way to end shore leave. They went to a bar. A dozen drinks later, Jim made his way out, stopping to say goodbye to those he met, before leaving. This action was not his best idea as of late. Making his way out, he was grabbed by someone standing at the bar and roughly kissed. A split second later, said guy was knocked on the floor by the same person he just assaulted.

"Piece of shit" Jim cursed before grabbing Bones, who was also pissed, and leaving. He was not aware, however, that someone else witnessed this and made up their minds that this was a grand opportunity to put a proverbial wrench in the works of a relationship that was slightly rocky, but making process.

"Where the hell are we? Damn it Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a road map." Bones growled angrily. Jim laughed, staring at the pissed off expression on his friend's face. "We'll find it Bones. Come on. Enjoy the experience."

Nainan I's spaceport was like a maze. Jim and Bones had been turned around so many times it was almost comical watching the two walk around. Being lost is a sobering experience, so Jim, after being lost for over 2 hours, finally asked someone for directions to the nearest transporter location.

The moment he landed on the transporter pad of the Enterprise, he was roughly grabbed and hauled off by one Commander Spock, First Officer of the Enterprise, and his Bondmate and T'hy'la.

"Hey, wait a sec-"was about all Jim could get out before he was roughly thrown into the quarters he shared with Spock. Confused, Jim reached out with his mind to Spock's, but got nothing. Spock had closed him off. After releasing Jim, Spock retreated to the other side of the room, his front facing the window.

"I request you tell me where you have been for the last 2.45 hours." Spock's usual monotone echoed across the room.

"I was lost in the spaceport. I and Bones couldn't find the transporter pads. Spock...What's-"Jim begun before being cut off.

"I was informed that you had sexual relations with a native inhabitant of the planet. I wished to see if you would lie about it, as you have", interrupted a very, cold voice.

"What the hell are you talking about? I was in a bar with Bones" Jim said angrily. This was not normal, even for Spock. During the length of their relationship, Jim swore off others entirely. Never had he been questioned about his loyalty and his fidelity to his bondmate. Striding across the room, Jim grabbed Spock's should and spun him around to face him. He did not expect the look in his lover's eyes. The usual cold eyes were ablaze with anger and rage. All directed straight at him

"Who the hell told you that? Yeah, in the bar some guy grabbed me, but I knocked him on his ass. You know me better than that. I would never-"

"Who told me is irreverent. I should have known that being with you, there was an 89.2% chance you would not be able to remain in a monogamous relationship. However, it is a mistake I do not have to live with." Anger made Spock loose the usual control of his emotions, making his words impassioned and full of different emotions, hurt, anger, rage and most of all sadness.

"Spock. Talk to me. Don't shut me out. Please Spock? Please?" Jim's voice filled with desperation, as he reached to touch Spock's face. Without warning, Spock's hand lashed out, grabbing his arm in a painful grip. Spock's other and lashed out, pushing Jim to the wall. Jim began jerking about, attempting to throw the other off him.

"What the hell are you doing? Let me go! I mean it Spock." Jim growled full enraged at the current happenings.

"It is illogical to fight me. I am stronger than you. I am simply giving you what you desire. You cannot remain loyal to me. You obviously cannot maintain a relationship with one individual. I will free you of the bond." Spock stated with the same monotone voice.

Jim began struggling in earnest. He needed to get away. He needed to make Spock calm down. He needed to find out why Spock believed the things he was saying.

But he was too weak to break the hold the Vulcan had on him. Anger faded, terror and fear entered.

Shifting his hold, Spock's not free hand lifted to Jim's meld points. Jim began begging and pleading. "No...Please... Stop" over and over with no affect. Jim's now free hand began pulling at Spock's arm, trying to dislodge his hand from the others face, but with no affect.

Ruthlessly, Spock slammed into Jim's mind. He ventured so far into his mind; farther than he ever dared go, until he reached the area where his Bond with Jim was stationed. All the while Jim was screaming in pain. It hurt so badly, the forced intrusion. I was almost like rape. His screaming never stopped. Interjected with pleas to Spock to stop, to listen, to not do with was heartbreaking for someone to hear.

Spock would not listen.

With an angry pull, Spock severed his connection with his T'hy'la. Jim's mind echoed with a screamed No. Pain, so much pain, pulsed through Jim's entire body.

The deed done, Spock removed his him and dropped Jim roughly on the floor. Without turning to even check if Jim was still breathing, Spock turned, and walked out the room and never looked back.

Jim lay on the floor. His body screamed like he had been beaten over and over, like every bone in his body was broken. He could not think. He could only feel. He could only lie there, as his entire being was washed with pain. Jim's body convulsed over and over. He had no control of it. He ended up in the fetal position. He simply held his head, screaming silently as his body throbbed.

It was no telling how long Jim remained on the floor. Pain slowly subsided. Jim opened his eyes, slowly moving himself to take a mental check on his working body parts. Every slide against the carpet he currently laid on was like whips flaying his flesh.

Slowly getting to his feet, Jim stumbled to the bathroom. He needed to see. He needed to check. He needed to make sure he could survive this. Bracing himself on the counter, he looked into the mirror and almost screamed at what looked back at him.

James Kirk was born with blue eyes, eyes he had inherited from his father.

The blue eyes he had grown up with were no more. Glassy gray eyes now were housed in a pain ravaged face.

Jim avoided Spock as much as possible after the incident. He went as far as changing his schedule so he worked Alpha shift while Spock was switched to Gama. If Jim wasn't on the bridge, he was in his room, working himself t near exhaustion. He tried to forget. But the eyes in the mirror wouldn't let him.

The entire crew saw something was wrong. They saw Spock and Nyota together constantly. Many crew members thought Spock and Jim were together, so seeing Spock and Nyota sneak around together, going so far as spending the night in each other's quarters, they knew something was seriously wrong. They saw their happy, optimistic Captain, turn into a creature none of them recognized.

Jim never talked. He never interacted. He simply sat in his chair, watching the stars pass. Bones even tried talking to him. Jim would not speak unless necessary. He visited Bones only because he was his friend and would worry if he was alive if he didn't. He only ate to sustain himself. He slept because he knew he must.

When his shift was done, He nodded to his crew, and then retired before Spock could come. He feared what would happen if Spock saw his eyes.

They were gray. Neither eye had changed to the usual blue. There were glassy, hard. The emotions swirling there showed pain, suffering, and abandonment all fused into one.

Jim was fully aware of what was happening between Spock and Nyota. Nyota bragged on it all the time, even going as far to say that Jim was a fool and a heartless betrayer to sleep around on such a good lover. She talked loudly about how good he was in bed, how caring he was, how he met her every need. It hurt to hear. It hurt to see his very own crew, who he a bonded with, look at him with distain. Those, however, those who were aware of Vulcan customs, called her a liar to her face. 'The Captain would never do that. His eyes prove it. ' they said.

When asked about what happened, Jim would say only once sentence.

"He didn't want me anymore."

And that would be it.

He thought about death so many times. One overdose on a Hypo and that would be it. He wouldn't have to deal with the hurt anymore. But he knew he had to live, for his crew.

That didn't stop him from thinking about it however.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jim lay in his quarters, quietly sobbing not for the first time, when Spock's voice sounded in the room. "Bridge to Captain Kirk". Jim sat up, wiping his eyes, and clearing his throat, before answering with his usual 'Kirk Here, Go Ahead' statement.

"Captain, A ship is hailing us and is requesting to speak to you."

Jim paused for a moment. The bridge was the last place he needed to be. Nyota and Spock were there. But his duties had priority.

"Thank You Mr. Spock. I'll be there in a second" Jim's voice sounded horse even to his ears. He hoped Spock wouldn't notice.

"It is illogical to assume you will make it to the bridge in a second, as it takes 8.34 minutes from the Captains quarters to the bridge. I will give the correct time frame." Spock's voice sounded sarcastic and slight irritated. Jim figured it was because he had to endure the necessity of speaking to him.

Jim's hands fisted for a moment, hurt piercing his heart, before making himself presentable and leaving his quarters for the bridge. Picking up the glasses he used for reading, he sat them on his nose, and prayed that those would hide his eyes from the world.

Upon arrival, he prided himself for not looking at either Spock or Nyota. They didn't need to see him in the state he was in. It was the first time he had seen them since the incident.

"On Screen Please" Jim stated in a voice that did not sound like his.

A image of the older Spock appeared. A small smile appeared on Jim's face. At least this version of Spock did not hate him. At least this version liked him a little.

"I am delighted to see you again, old friend." Spock Prime started, his old but intelligent eyes lighting just slightly on the face of the younger version of his Captain.

"You too. It's been a long time, hasn't it? But I think this isn't just a friendly call in the galaxy." Jim smiled, showing a piece of his old self. The Bridge staff smiled, and some sighed just slightly, thankful to see the old Jim, at least for a while.

"You are correct, Captain. I would like to speak to you in private if I may. I request permission to come aboard for a time. I understand you are in route to New Vulcan. I would like to accompany you there." Spock Prime stated with a slight twinkle in his eye.

"You are very welcome, sir. I'm pretty sure with the other Vulcan's on the ship; you'll have much to occupy yourself with. We'll beam you aboard in just a moment" Jim said, before cutting the transmission.

Before leaving the bridge, Jim asked Scotty to ready the transporter for one. Reaching the turbolift, he was shocked to see both Spock and Nyota follow him inside. Suddenly the turbolift seemed huge. It felt like a canyon between the two parties. Taking a deep breath, Jim simply waited to arrive at his destination.

Nyota saw Jim's discomfort at being so close to the two of them, and slowly but surely slipped closer to Spock, going as far as to lean against him. If Spock noticed or cared, he did not say. Jim's hand twitched for just a moment. It was his only outward showing of emotion. Inside he was screaming. He screamed at Nyota for taking his T'hy'la. He screamed at his own weakness. He screamed at Spock for not wanting him.

He screamed, but no one heard.

Finally arriving at the transporter room, Jim stood, simply waiting for his friend to beam aboard. Spock and Nyota stood to the side, Nyota holding Spock's hand shooting Jim superior looks. Jim never looked in their direction. He simply leaned against the wall and waited. Soon enough the tell-tell lights appeared showing someone being beamed. Smiling just slightly, Jim strengthened his posture, but still occupied his space at the wall.

Spock Prime looked around, his face the usual face of a Vulcan, showing nothing. When his eyes landed on Jim a twinkle appeared. He was happy to see Jim alive and well. Stepping off the transporter pad, he walked to Jim and did the Vulcan salute. Jim smiled, but his eyes remained trained on his feet.

And Spock Prime noticed this.

"Captain, you do realize it is considered rude in certain circles if your eyes do not meet the one you are interacting with." Spock Prime's voice was mild, but Jim detected a hint of worry in his voice.

"Yes Sir, however, something is wrong with my eyes and I can't really look at you. I'm sorry" That statement made Spock frown just a bit.

"Jim. Look at me" Spock Prime's voice became stern. Jim recognized that tone anywhere. It was the 'do-what-I-said-and-don't-for-one second-think-I-won't-make-you' voice.

"Sorry. I don't think I will." Jim stood firm. He couldn't let Spock Prime see. He couldn't let anyone see. It was his shame to bear.

"Captain, it is illogical to refuse Prime's request as you have no reason not to. Perhaps you should be relieved of duty as you are acting stranger than your usual parameters." Spock's, Jim's Spock, stated, with a bit of irritation in his voice.

Spock Prime noted the irritation in his younger self's voice. This is not as it should be. He saw Uhura cuddled as close as she could get with Spock, and saw her shooting her Captain these small little gleeful glances. Something was not right.

Without warning, Spock Prime's hand shot out, grabbing Jim's chin. Spock Prime could hear his other self protesting immediately but paid no attention. Very gently, he moved Jim's head and removed his glasses. He was not prepared for what he saw. His eyes widened just slightly, before he stepped away his hands falling to his sides.

"I grieve with thee" Spock Prime uttered with a soft voice.

Grey eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to see". Talking was difficult but he managed the few words. "It's my sin to bear. Don't be sorry. I deserved it." A small smile graced trembling lips.

A small silence filled the transporter room. Finally, Spock Prime clasped his hands behind his back, and said in a soft voice, "I apologize for forcing you to show what you are not ready to be seen. Come Jim, we will find Dr. McCoy and see if anything can be done for you." Jim nodded slowly and allowed Spock Prime to pass him, before following him to the door.

Jim did not expect Spock to grab his arm. His entire body flinched but his face remained looking forward, to where Spock Prime stood.

"Captain, if there is something amiss with your current physical health, I must insist you go to the sickbay to visit Dr. McCoy. As your First Officer, I must insist you be relieved of duty until he can ascertain your current...-"Jim turned and looked at Spock.

Grey eyes regarded chocolate brown ones.

Jim's arm slipped from Spock's grasp as his fingers went numb.

Jim uttered just two words before turning and walking out of the room.

"I'm Sorry"

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Spock could only wonder, 'What have I done?'

Spock sat in his quarters, his hands covering his head.

He couldn't have been wrong. He couldn't have misjudged Jim.

In Vulcan society, a bond between mates was a sacred thing. Very seldom did you see broken bonds outside death. The only other case was if a bond was broken under direct terms. In other words, if someone could prove your mate was breaking the sacred bond between the two, it could be broken.

However, if someone broke a bond for personal gain or broke the bond for a false reason, a permanent affect would happen. Gray eyes. The color represented a mate that had been severely done wrong by their other. If any Vulcan saw those eyes, the grief for the one would be great. They would immediately bow their heads in honor for the one who chose to live instead of ending their life like the few that could not take the pain.

Jim's eyes were proof enough. He had been severely wronged by his other. He would carry the shame of the deed until Spock renewed their bond. Otherwise, no power in the universe could right that wrong. He would bear it until the day he died. He would also suffer the pain the broken bond caused. Those, before they died, expressed a pain so intense, it burned their insides

Spock thought back. He thought of Jim's confusion, anger, all the things he felt while in his mind.

He needed to see Jim. Now.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jim followed Spock Prime through the ship. Every instinct told him to cover up his eyes. He wanted no one seeing his shame. He was confused; however, at Prime's request to keep them uncovered. But he got his answer as soon as he found himself in the part of the Enterprise that most of his Vulcan passengers were being housed.

Each and every one of the Vulcan's he passed bowed their heads to him, and uttered a soft but audible 'I grieve with thee'. They offered comfort, if he ever wanted to talk, or if he just needed someone to meditate with, each one said they would come at his convenience. He did not understand. Why did they care? He was not enough for his mate. He failed. He was inadequate.

Jim's mind became full of questions. Why the Vulcan were's so sad? Why did they sympathize with him? Why did they care?

Finally the two reached Prime's appointed quarters. Jim flopped quite hard on the couch in the room and gave voice to his questions once Prime had situated on the adjacent chair.

"Why do you grieve? Why all the sympathy? Why do they care? I screwed up. Why should they care" Jim's voice, normally strong, was all wrong. It was the voice of a timid creature, one beaten so badly it finally broke under the strain.

"Jim, Vulcan bonds are eternal. They connect two people, not just mentally, but spiritually. You, being Spock's T'hy'la amplifies this. You feel all his emotions, even those he chooses to hide. When one breaks a bond under false circumstances, the recurring result is the gray eyes you now process. It shows that he wronged you. He broke a bond under unsubstantial terms." Prime stated, his hands now laced in front of him.

"As to the sympathy, as you put it, it is quite simple. If a bond is broken, and is not repaired, the bondmate dies. They succumb to the pain. We are Vulcan's. We do not leave our mates. If this occurs, the behind mate is likely to terminate their lives instead of living without them. The pain, as I know you are experiencing, is too great for them to handle. They choose death, instead of life. The others of our race, when they see one such as yourself dealing with this unfortunately event, they wish to help you hang on to life, instead of terminating as so many do."

"Wait. You're telling me that Spock broke our bond 'cause someone lied to him and that the other Vulcan's wish me to live, so they offer themselves in a way to distract me." Jim stared hard at Prime, frowning slightly.

"Correct. My hypothesis is that someone close to him fabricated a story he would believe and would terminate your bond. Because he feels more than most Vulcan's, it is safe to assume his anger clouded his logic and he acted illogically." Prime answered.

"If he wronged me, why hasn't he even tried fixing it." Jim struggled to understand, but he simply couldn't wrap his mind around this. Spock was to blame, not him. Spock did this, not him. He didn't want to believe. It was still his fault.

"I also believe you have been avoiding him. Doing so, he failed to see the discolored irises you now posses. Had he seen them, he would have immediately known he had wronged you and tried to correct the slight. I also…-"

"Did you know he's been sleeping the Uhura? He made no secret of it. Just admit it. It was my fault. I could have been more. I could have been better. He's better off with her. She'll give him what I can't. She'll give him kids, a family. I can't give him any of that. It's better this way. I'll bear the shame with these eyes. Every day I look in the mirror, I see I failed." Jim's words cut Prime off.

"Jim, I wish you did not have to have to bear this burden." Prime moved to the couch, placing his hand on the younger's back. He wished to comfort Jim, but did not know how. He had never dealt with this with his Captain.

Jim broke down sobbing, crying for himself, Spock, Prime, everything. "It hurts. It hurts so bad. I can feel it; every time they are together I can feel it. I feel it all. And it hurts. It hurts so bad, and I can't do a fucking thing about it." Jim cried, leaning into Prime. Prime could say nothing, and simply held Jim until he fell asleep.

Another away mission went wrong. It was supposed to be a simple diplomatic mission to get the usual strange planet to join the Federation. It should have been easy.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nothing ever is.

And now they are running for their lives through a rather dense jungle. Three red shirt ensiens were already dead, only our beloved captain, and two lieutenants were left. Spock had wanted to accompany his captain, to try apologizing, but was delayed by both Jim and Uhura.

Jim, because he simply did not want to be around him.

Uhura, because she did not want him around Jim whatsoever.

After the crying his eyes out and sleeping curled as close as he could get to Spock Prime, Jim slowly began putting himself back together. While the pain was still constant, he managed slowly but surely. He began meditating with some of the Vulcan's onboard. His crew slowly saw the old captain again. But still the rift remained between Captain and Commander. Other than orders, Jim did not speak to Spock. The crew saw the eyes and while others did not understand, some did and told why they changed color.

Uhura claimed it was because "He obviously had surgery to get his eye color changed. There isn't any record of a change that dramatic in recorded Vulcan history."

Her superior attitude was becoming sickening.

Watching her getting kicked off the high horse a peg was oddly but rather satisfying.

Uhura decided, one day, that she was MORE than worthy to sit in the captains chair and LOUDLY criticize their captain (Spock was not on shift that day. Had he been, with the way he was feeling, he would have possibly smacked the shrew). As it would happen, said captain had just walked in, and was standing listening as she called him every name out the book and some made up completely. By this time Sulu and Chekov were both about to hell her in some rather nasty terms shut it, when a voice broke in.

"And here I thought you didn't like me"

Uhura, for all her gall and bravado, completely stiffened. Jim walked around the chair, to stand beside it looking down his nose at the bane in his existence. It was time to show her who was in charge.

"Now, while I understand you dislike me for some reason, probably me having our lovely Commander first, I think I do need to say something to you." Jim quietly walked in front of the chair to stare that the woman in it.

"I am captain of this ship. YOU are a lieutenant on this vessel. Regardless of how much you like me or dislike me, which by the way I don't give one shit about, you will follow my orders." Jim slowly circled the chair as he spoke. His voice echoed across the entire room. Some crew members present smiled slowly, happy their captain was taking up for himself.

"But since you just choose to be a thorn in my side, I've decided that I've just about had it. Well, that and I'm getting tired of looking over the paper work your fellow crew members keep filing about you." A few chuckles broke the silence after that statement.

Suddenly, Uhura finally realized she hadn't made any friends with her loud mouth remarks.

In other words… Open Mouth, Insert Foot.

Finally coming to stand in front of the now crowed lieutenant, Jim stared her down with cold, grey eyes.

"Effective immediately, you are relieved of duty PERMINATELY and confined to your quarters. At the next Starbase, you will be escorted off the Enterprise and then taken to a ship which will take you back to Earth. Once on Earth, you will be taken to trial for Slanderous Remarks and Inappropriate Conduct with a Senior Officer." This was not the fun loving, flirtatious Jim Kirk all knew and loved. This was Captain James T. Kirk laying down the law, and expecting to be followed with no questions.

A few seconds of silence passed, before Uhura finally got some air to speak. "You can't do that. Regulation states that an Admiral must oversee any and all terminations and transfers on and off ships, especially flag ships. Plus, the only way to take me to trial anywhere is to have conclusive evidence of the offence, and you don't, Captain." Her words dripped with sarcasm and distain.

"True. However, this particular order comes from none other than Admiral Christopher Pike himself. Personally, I'd just chuck you in an airlock and wish you a world of luck…Then press the button. You got a problem, call him. He's been made aware of the current situation by me, and also a few other people…like everyone else on the crew of the Enterprise. Any further questions?"

Uhura was completely and utterly silent.

"Now that that's been taken care of, everyone, I know you enjoyed the show but back to work. Oh, By the way..."

Jim leaned in as close as he could get, watching Uhura lean back with both anger and a healthy dose of fear.

"GET OUT OF MY CHAIR!"

And that, as they say, was that.

Security was called, and the rather vain woman was escorted rather quickly away.

That was 2 weeks ago. Before getting to Starbase #12, a quick diplomatic mission had to be handled.

As I said before, nothing is ever easy.

After beaming, they were immediately fired on by a group that felt that Federation would take everything from them. Two of the away team were killed. And now here they were, running for their lives.

Spock voiced his opinion of Jim's going without him rather loudly, or as loud as a Vulcan could get. He was shut up with a simple statement on the captain's part.

"No, you need to be onboard in the event this goes to hell. And besides, I would imagine Uhura would rather you be here with her. I would be a complete ass if I tried taking a mate from someone."

Thus ended that particular argument. Spock tried to talk to the Jim, almost begged, however, Jim simply said that if it was not ship business, it was unimportant to voice. Jim hated being cruel, but just because he could deal with Spock as his First Officer, he simply was not ready to face him privately. He did tell Spock, that when he was ready, they would talk. Spock resigned himself to a rather long wait.

A transmission cracked to life, "Kirk to Enterprise, Beam us up! Fuckers are trying to kill us!." Spock's blood ran cold. 'Not this…Please…anything but this.'

"Aye sir. Stand still. We can't lock on you with the forest. Get to a clearing and STAND STILL." There was nothing they could do while the party was moving. Now it was a race against time. All the crew could do is pray that their captain's luck would hold.

Reaching a clearing, Kirk quickly requested beam out again. There was no time.

As the transporter began beaming the away team, Kirk eyes widened with morbid surprise. Their pursuers had caught up and were aiming their weapons that resembled 20th century artillery guns directly at them. Without even thinking, Jim ran to the front, shielding the team with is own body.

Shots fired. The away team, now on board, frantically called to the bridge.

"Commander, The Captain. He's still on the planet. Sir, he..-"

Spock ran to the transporter, throwing the order to beam him down to the previous coordinates over his shoulder. For the first time, he was scared, terrified. He feared for Jim.

The sight that met his eyes will be forever burned in his memory for as long as he lived.

James Kirk lay, in a meadow covered in flowers, in a pool of his own blood.

Spock rushed over, his mind screaming 'NO'. Not this, anything but this. Cradling the broken man to his chest, he began shaking his captain.

"Jim. JIM. Please. You must answer me. You must. Spock to Enterprise, the Captain is severely injured. Call medbay immediately."

Jim knew he was dying. There wasn't any mistake about that. But he was ok with it. The pain would end. He accepted that there were some things you just couldn't change. Death was no different. So he waited for precious oblivion to appear. He did not expect a warm feeling suddenly grab him. Opening hazy eyes, Grey eyes looked into the face of the last person he expected.

"I'm dying, aren't I?"

"You cannot die. You will not die. I will not allow it." Spock stated firmly.

A weak chuckle escaped Jim's lips. "Why, Spock? You threw me away. I should hate you, but I just can't bring myself to."

Leaning forward, Spock placed his forehead on the other. "T'hy'la, I wronged you. I deserve nothing you can give, but hearing that makes me so very happy."

Suddenly, Jim's body seized, jerking. Crying out, Jim latched to Spock, holding him like a lifeline. Slowly, Jim's vision began to blur, his breathing became softer. Jim slowly began to drift, allowing this calm sea to take away his pain.

"Stay with me, James. Do not leave me. Please, I beg of you." Spock's desperation broke through the haze. Tears began running down his face. He could feel Jim dying. Jim was leaving him. Grey eyes opened for the last time.

"Do ya think it'll hurt?" Spock knew, at this moment, that his mate was going to die.

"No, Ashayam, it will not hurt. It will soothe you slowly away." Tears were freely falling out his eyes.

Breathing became harder, but a small smile graced pale lips.

"I'll miss everyone. I hope they can go on without me. Maybe Scotty will become captain, and Sulu and Chekov will still serve on our lady. Bones' will be mad, but he can't really fault me right?"

"Yes, Ashaya, I believe it so."

Coughing racked a battered frame.

"I guess it's time, huh? You're an ass, you know that? I'm not saying I forgive you, but maybe in another life, we can try again?"

"I will hold you to this, Ashayam."A soft kiss graced a slightly gasping mouth.

"I'll miss you, T'hy'la. I'll miss you most of all. You still suck though."

A soft wheezing sound, and one gasped phrase.

"Spock, I…Lo..ve…y..ou."

A body became still. Breathing slowly stopped. Eyes closed.

James T. Kirk was no more.

Clutching Jim to his chest, Spock freely cried. The one person that meant the most to him, was gone. Now he had nothing. His foolishness and pride caused this. Indirectly, he had caused this bright soul his death.

There was really only one option.

Sitting up with sudden resolve, he looked frantically around, searching for the one thing that would solve his problem. His thoughts were frantic. If he could not locate this item, he would simply find another way. Spotting the object, he grabbed it and held it, looking down at it.

A phaser.

Jim would not want this for him. If he were here, he would protest, saying something to the effects of 'ARE YOU STONED?'.

This was the only way. The one way he could atone for his sins.

He gently laid Jim to the ground. Excluding the blood covering his captain, one would think he was sleeping, a peaceful expression on his face.

"My Ashayam. I do not know what awaits me, but I will join you, to atone for my crime against you. If the fates allow, I will join you. I will make this up to you until the end of time. If not, please know that I and truly sorry for this. Carry me in your soul, and never forget me. I love you, Ashayam. I follow you now, so you will not truly be alone." Spock whispered into Jim's ear, hoping and praying he heard.

Setting the phaser to kill, he slowly moved, and had barrel resting softly at his side, right over his heart.

A look to the heavens, and a soft sigh escaped. A free hand intertwined with another.

"I love you, Jim"

Spock pulled the trigger.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The alarms had started. The Captain was injured, badly. Due to transporter malfunctions, engineering could not beam anyone down after Spock. To make matters worse, Uhura had somehow gotten out of her house arrest, and was screaming at everyone to get to the planet, 'to rescue Spock'. She would not leave until security forcibly removed her.

Bones was a wreck. Jim was in serious danger. Seconds seemed like hours, and the engineering staff tried their hardest to get the transporters working. Finally, a crewmember rushed to him, saying that they were operational. Yelling over his shoulder to Nurse Chapel, to get the OR prepped, along with the severe trauma unit, Bones jumped on the transporter, along with some of the security team, and beamed to the planet's surface.

The sight that met his eyes, would be burned in his memory forever.

Jim lay covered, and in a pool, of his own blood, looking for all the world, like he was simply sleeping. Curled around him, was Spock. Even in death, he embraced his love, trying to make up to him all the hurt and suffering he caused. The two were intertwined. At a first glance, you would never think them dead, except for maybe one thing.

Green and red blood intermixed.

Bones ran to the duo, running his tricorder over them both, praying he was not too late. His tricorder confirmed what he knew and dreaded.

James T. Kirk and S'chn T'gai Spock, Captain and Commander of the Federation Flagship, USS Enterprise was dead.

With a heavy heart, Bones shook his head. The security team knew, their leader was no more. Quietly standing, Bones looked around and slightly smiled.

No one but Jim Kirk would pick the single most beautiful place in the universe, to die.

Bones turned and requested beam out. Finding himself back on the Enterprise, he noted Uhura had somehow escaped security and was currently screaming, demanding to know what happened and where was Spock.

"Their dead." Bones voice was devoid of all emotion.

"You lie. Kirk must have done something to him and you're covering for him. I got to get to him." Uhura's eyes looked crazy.

Bones had officially had it.

Any southern gentlemen would never hit a lady. This particular southern gentleman couldn't care less. Striding quickly across the room, Bones reached back, and slapped the woman over the face.

"Haven't you done enough? You broke them apart. You broke both of them. And now they are DEAD. AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

Uhura sank to the floor, stunned. "No. It's not true. Spock's supposed to be with me. Can't be true."

Bones leaned down, anger and rage painted in his face. "It's true, and you know what. I'm happy for them. Know why?''

Uhura shook her head.

"They are together. Jim always used to say that if something happened to him, Spock would follow. Now they can be happy. Now they can be free."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A gentle breeze fluttered through a large plane. A lone man with blonde hair stood, smiling at the sun. At his side, a taller man stood, hands interlaced with the younger.

"You think this is heaven?"

"It is close enough, Ashayam." A soft baritone answered, with amusement lacing his words.

Laughing, the blonde turned, and lifted his face. Blue eyes danced showing he was happy.

"Yeah, Spock. It's close enough."

More silence.

"You know. I'm not saying I forgive you just yet. You're gonna have to earn it."

A chuckle

"As a human would say, We have time, Ashayam, We have time."

The two embraced.

They had time, all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading...
> 
>  
> 
> Did I Make you Cry???  
> Comment below, like serious comments, not flaming ones.. those aren't nice. But constructive criticism...something like that...

**Author's Note:**

> Story is done... onward to the alternate ending!!


End file.
